This is a blog based on my experience with
Jesus my savior, men and earthly pleasures. Please join me in talking about how
the Lord blessed me in the middle of it all. So grab a mug, fill it with your
favorite drink and sit back and relax. It’s going to be a wild ride.
When I was eight years old, I came forward
to accept Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. Now you’re probably asking
yourself, “She’s young, how can she become religious at an age such as eight?” Not
necessarily true that I’m “religious” but you probably get the point that I’m
not right? Hope so.
I’m not religious per say, I more likely
have a relationship with a God through his Son Jesus Christ. I just have a
strong Marriage with my King.
My experience with
other men
Anyway, as I grew in my relationship with
Him, I eventually started looking towards other men for relationships and love
as if He was not enough. The next thing
I know I’m in love with these guys and am completely forgetting my focus on
God. I wanted so much out of life it was as if love was not worth finding in
Him.
I am going to be long and will explain what
happened to me over the years with other boys and men:
·
Not only did I start looking for answers to my
love questions in men, I started dating. When dating, I would seek marriage and
future family hoping they would understand my hunger for affection.
·
If the boy liked me enough and I liked him, we
would go out which concluded that he was “the one” for me. Needless to say when
we would break up, I would get so mad at God and once again, completely fog out
His deep and precious love for me his Bride.
·
Because of my incest survival even though it
happened during my childhood and teen hood, when dating, I would hope for sex
and hope that got me out of the memories of molestation. Hoping for this
precious gift only made it worse even though I hoped it would fill in the gap
for a future lover and husband.
·
Every time I continue dating, I would ask the
boy questions like “Do you love me?” or “Do you want to spend your life with
me?” (That question included marriage and a family as well.) This would (or I
hoped it would) speed up the relationship and would later cause confusion
between the window of love versus marriage and dating.
·
Finally, when I didn’t get what I wanted, a future
husband, I would for example cry in my bedroom and wonder why the heck did God
allow this to happen.
Jesus knocking at my door
Finally, Jesus showed up at my doorstep and told me
something I didn’t like to hear: “Tatiana, you need to come clean of your
passionate love for men and turn towards me. I’ll be waiting at the front door
of your heart if you need anything. I love you.”
It was not until I met my ex-boyfriend that I thought He was
testing me. WRONG! It appeared that he
was just letting me walk my own path until I decided that I needed his love
only. This took years and is still affecting me at this point and to this day.
Meeting whom I thought was my
lover
When I met my ex-boyfriend Ryan, I decided to look to him
and forget about God. Of course my decision was to marry him so I started
texting him love stories from the Song of Solomon one of the books in the
Bible. It was not until I started talking about marriage that he started
talking about children. My heart was excited but at the same time, I was
nervous to go that route. I proceeded and took my own matters into what I
thought God was testing our relationship for: marriage. Nope.
A few days ago, I texted Ryan saying good night and hoped he
would respond with love. Sure enough, I received the following text: “No we’re
breaking up.” I was really upset and it took me until today to figure out that
it was Jesus who was splitting us up for good. I was hurt but not devastated
only because I knew in my heart that He was the one. I am His Bride. He loves
me and there is no question about His pure love.
Today, I began to figure out that Jesus wanted all me and
nothing else. It became clear that He was teaching me how to look to Him for
love and not men. Sure enough I fell in love with him and began to seek only
his face. That’s what I was supposed to
do regardless of circumstances hitting me.
Jesus, my Holy Husband
To this day, I continue to look to Him who lives forever. If
I could choose whom my future Husband would be it would be Jesus Christ.
God loves me first and loves me most but at the same time
loves you too. His love burns deep like coals on a hot stove but are passionate
with gentle zeal and affection. He wants
you if you would do the following: Read my first post and pray that prayer in
it. Come. He loves you. You just need to come as you are Beautiful one.
Hope you enjoyed this blog. Happy blogging!
